Being Present

  A few years back I did an internship at a hospital with the spiritual care team.  I was learning how to care for not only the patients of the hospital, but the staff also.  One of the themes of that summer for our group was the idea of being present.  How can we provide quality spiritual and emotional care if we are not fully present with the people we are with, but also with ourselves.   The themes of being present has come up for me in different podcast I have listened to and different conversations I have had.  Here are some things I am trying to put into practice. 

  The first thing about being present is not being so focused on what is next that we forget to be in the here and now.  I know growing up and working on homework, especially math, I get so focused on what the next problem was, that I forget to do the current step, or I would miss a few things because I was so focused on doing what was next.  Being fully present in the here and now means that we have the ability to look at and to know what is on the horizon, but it is getting things squared away in the here and now so that we can be fully prepared for what is next.  If one was called to be a doctor, they would not start their own practice until they have faithfully completed all of their training and passed all there test.  A lot of the time, being fully present in the hear and now will help us with future endeavors and relationships?  

  The second part of bout being fully present is that when we are not this, we are being disingenuous with the people we are with.  When we are in the same room with someone and we spend more time on our phone than building our relationship, it shows where our priorities are.  It could say that I really don't want to be here, or that Facebook drama/cat videos are way more interesting that you are.  It also means that we are a jerk when we do this because we find objects more gratifying than people.  I know there are times that we just need to check out and do something mindless, but if it is something we do constantly, there might be something wrong.  It also shows what we value.  Last night I got ice cream with a group of friends and it was so much fun that time flew by.  I made the conscience choice to not check my phone so I could be fully present with the group and we ended up sharing a lot of laughs and even a few shaking of the heads. 

  The third part about being fully present is this idea of communication.  How many times have you been accused of not listening, especially by your significant other.  Most of the time we can repeat what was said, but we are still missing the point.  Often times we are not listening because we are not getting the importance or the intensity of what is being said or not said.  I was with a patient one time and we were talking about how he was in the hospital and he couldn't make it to his sons funeral.  I could of told you the facts about our visit, but I wasn't hearing what he was truly saying.  He was truly sad that he couldn't be there even though there had been some family issues that hadn't been fully resolved. 

  The fourth part about being fully present is that our body language aides or hinders us in being fully present and engaged.  I know for me, how I am sitting and my posture plays apart of how engaged I am with the people I am with and how aware I am of my surroundings.  Body language also affects how other people see us and react to us and how they open up to us.  If you are much of a sports fan, there have been the athletes who have been tagged with not caring or not living up to their full potential because of posture, body language and facial expressions.  Two of the big names would be the quarterback Jay Cutler and current Minnesota Timberwolves Andrew Wiggins.  With Cutler, he always looked to me that he was either having a bad day or that he would rather be elsewhere than where he was currently at.  The media likes to point out with Wiggins that he is extremely talented, but does he care enough to put in the work to use his talent to improve his game and to improve the Wolves.  How people perceive us may not always be accurate, but our bodily language and posture and how we present ourselves plays into how people perceive whether it is right, wrong or indifferent.

   The fifth part about being fully present is what we say non verbally.  I know this is very similar to the previous paragraph, but here me out.  We can say a lot by not saying anything.  Its really the idea of someone's silence being deafening.  We can say a lot by not saying anything at all.  Being fully present is not only knowing what to say/not say, how to say it, and when to say it/or just to keep our mouth shut.  We are always communicating through words, body language, actions and attitudes and this often affects how present we are with people.  I am sure I am not the only person to be in a room with someone and when someone else walks in, the conversation, tone and attitudes change on a dime for various reasons.  This change often forces us to make a choice on whether we want to stay engaged in the situation, check out or leave.  Just remember, being fully present and engaging the people we are with and situations we are in takes work commitment. 

   The last thing about being fully present is how much do we value other people and ourselves.  Do we really care what they are saying and going through, or are we just looking for the next big thing.  We can not worry about possibly missing out on something else that is more awesome that where we are at.  When we do this, we are missing out on the cool possibilities in the here and now.  When we are not full present, we are saying that the moment we are in, and the people we are with are not worth our times and that just makes a condescending jerk.