Thursday, February 8, 2018

Wishing you were here

One of my favorite songs by Pink Floyd is Wish You Were Here and every time I hear it, I think of friends who are scattered across the country. Its more of me wishing we all could be together to at least share a meal together. As I did a digging, I found out the song was for Syd Barrett, who was one of the original members of the band, but left the band because he developed schizophrenia. The song was written because the band was wishing he was still apart of them and enjoying the success they were experience. This song has gotten me thinking and here are some very random thoughts that have transpired from this song.

Over the last year, there have been a lot of news coverage people committing suicide. It seems like this has affected people in every walk of life, and it doesn't matter the amount of success, money, or friends the person has, they think that suicide is the best option at that moment. It is hard to find someone who has not been touched by suicide in some way. It seems like the last two suicides I either heard or read about, the people were well loved, outgoing personalities and they seemed to have everything together and yet they are no longer with us. Here are some take aways that came to my mind, and I maintain my right to be wrong and if I am, hopefully and can not be so stubborn and learn a few things.

The first one is, the human body is a complex place. For as much as we know about our body and our brain, there is just that much more we don't know or understand. What causes some people to struggle with mental illnesses, and other people to be free from it. In a culture that searches for the cause and effect with everything, we have a hard time sitting with not knowing or what causes something. There are things that can be explained through exploring family genes, hormone levels, or life choices, but what do we do with that ambiguity of not knowing what the cause of depression or any other disease that is out there. I think there are two options, and the first one is that we can sit down and throw our hands up in the air and not care. This tends to be very apathetic response and probably not the best response. The second one is sometimes its about putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward and learning from our mistakes. It is dealing with things that come our way and finding a community of support to help us move forward.

The second thing is that there are times where we all feel down or alone. Whether its because one hasn't seen the sun in a week, or life circumstances. With living by myself in a one bedroom apartment, I can get this way. Its the I don't want to go home and be by myself, but its also a realization that I don't want to deal with people either because well people can be stupid (yes myself included). When this happens, I usually go to my favorite coffee shop to get my usual order and I plug in my ear phones and read or watch something online. The reality of this is that I don't like being along, and I don't want to deal with other people because than it can get messy and who really wants to get messy. This is why I think most of our conversations stay on the surface level. We are willing to talk about the weather or the local sports teams, but we tend to stay away from the things that divide such as politics, religion, or feelings because it just might take time, energy, and it will cost us something that we might not want to give up. Living this way will make us cynical, self reliant and a general pain in the butt.

   The third thing is that take time to carve out a community of people that you can do life with. When I am feeling down or self absorbed, I pick up the phone and call someone. There are those people we constantly think of and wonder how they are doing. Why not shoot them a text or phone call to see how they are doing. Also when you run into someone at church or at Wal Mart and there is the conversation that goes something the affect of we should get together for coffee sometime and then it never happens. When this conversation happens, pull out the day planner and offer up a concrete time to meet. The people who are serious about meeting will work with you to find a time that will work. Lets be intentional with our relationships, because if we aren't, more often than not, they will fade away. The second part of this is when people ask you how you are doing, dropping the non committed answers of "I'm here" or "just another day in paradise" often leads to a disconnect and maybe even apathy. I am guilty of using these phrases as much as the next person is, but lets be honest with our answers when we are asked how we are doing, and when we ask others how they are doing, lets mean it instead of asking that question as we are walking away from them.

   Here is a quick but important rabbit trail. I know in my life when I feel disconnected, it usually is a reflection of what is going on in my life with God or others. When I am feeling down, discouraged, or disconnected from God or others, is it because there are issues in our life that are not being taken care of. Is it a behavior that needs to start or to stop, a relationship that needs to be developed or terminated, a conversation that is needed or something we need to hear, or something that we need to grant grace to or seek forgiveness from. Feeling down or depressed could be from one of these things, or it could very well be something that is a medical issue and that it needs to be dealt with under the direction of your health care provider.

    Finally, find a group of people that you can do life with. Recently, I spent some time in the hospital with a nasty leg infection and I called a friend to talk, but it went to voicemail. I failed to mention that I was in the hospital, and when I got out and I told him what was going on, he chewed me out for not telling him what was going on. I went with the you never called me back, but that argument didn't hold much water. I encourage everyone to be vulnerable with at least one person in your life where you can challenge each other to grow, laugh and cry together, or just to call and to check in on each other. Its more than just sharing a meal together, but it is getting comfortable enough where you can share in life's joys, tears, anger, and general disconnect with life and God or each other.  This takes risk, and it is down right scary, because we are putting ourselves out there, but the reward is way better than the risk. If push comes to shove and you feel that you have no one to talk to or for support, reach out to me through my social media accounts or there is the national suicide hotline at 1.800.273.8255, or if you are social media person the #BellLetsTalk offers support. To finish up, you are created the Creator of the Universe and you were created in His image and that is pretty amazing in itself. Lets move from just wishing we were in peoples lives to making it actually happen, because going through life alone sucks and it would suck without you.

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