Dependency:
a
dependent or subordinate thing, especially a country or province controlled by
another.
And he called the twelve together and gave them power and
authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom
of God and to heal. And
he said to them, “Take
nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not
have two tunics. And whatever house you
enter, stay there, and from there depart. And wherever they do not receive
you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against
them.” And
they departed and went through the villages, preaching the gospel and healing
everywhere.
Luke 9:1-6
When I think of the word dependency, one of the first
things that come to my mind is the show Law & Order: SVU. It is where Detectives Munch and Finn walk
into a crime scene where there is someone who has been battered by their significant
other. These battered people won’t leave
because they think they have nowhere else to turn, a distorted view of loyalty
or are afraid of what will happen to the children. The other view of dependency that I often
find myself thinking is what is that one thing that we can not live without no
matter how much damage it does to our health, relationships, or bank account. Whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, or that
morning cup/pot of coffee. If we do not
get those things, are day is often ruined and or we make a concerted effort to go
out and get that one thing to fulfill that need. As much as dependency is a bad thing, here
are some ideas where we can reclaim it and have a healthy relationship with dependency,
and yes this does sound like an oxymoron.
Depenncey as Humillity: One might ask how does
humility and dependency go together because these two words can bring up definitions
of being run over, not having any self worth, or not promoting ones talents and
accomplishments or the number of likes/interactions to a social media post. I think we are this way because we are such
reactionary people and we demand others and ourselves to react and over react
to every situation. Social media and the
24 hour news cycle plays into this hysteria really well, because its always
having information at our fingertips to react too. This leads us to the belief that we have the
right to be offended and to become a member of pitchfork nation when something doesn’t
feel right. Do not get me wrong, there
are things that are offensive and that are worth getting offended over and this
often leads to change.
So, humility is knowing who we are, knowing who we belong
to, and living in this reality. Humility
is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less. This means we know what our talents are, what
our weakness are and learning and growing from our mistakes. True humility is not lying to ourselves or others
and being honest with ourselves about our current situation. It is not making things out to be greater or
worse than they really are. It is taking
off our mask and seeing things for what they are, and this is really tough,
because we all have hurts, biases and egos that are either damaged or inflated
that play into our mindset and affect how we view our life. Humility is allowing people into our lives
and being honest with each other, along with knowing when to ask for help and
we have to put on the big kid pants and go out and do it.
Dependency as Trust: This is a big one because I
think trust is more than just saying “I trust you” to family and friends and then
we try to take the control of the situation and things getting messing. Its like doing a group project and when things
get delegated, we do our responsibilities, plus someone else’s because we don’t
think they will do it or will do as good of a job as we would. Trust is having someone else’s best interest
in mind and them having our best interest in mind also and living life together. An example of this is that at my favorite coffee
shop, I have a cool running political conversation with one of the baristas. We sit on different sides of the political aisle,
but we value relationship and being able to converse about the hot button
topics such as impeachment, right to life, or second amendment rights. One of the cool things about these ongoing
conversations is that she is from a younger generation, so she comes at things
differently.
Trust is also vulnerability, and I know I have hinted at
this earlier, but vulnerability is allowing people to see us in our greatness
and in our mess. Vulnerability is a two
way street. A person is equally vulnerable to you as you are to them. I know that there are people who are open
books, no matter who they are with, which can lead to issues, but are we
willing to open ourselves up to others to celebrate the good stuff, cry with
the scary stuff and to be challenged to cut the crap and to grow up
Dependency as Expectation: If you ever have seen
fire hydrants being flushed, you know it is a lot of water that comes out
rather quickly. This is what living a committed Christian life is about that we
live life full blast and we do not sleep walk through it. When Jesus sends out the disciples out, He
told them to bring nothing with them but the good news of the Gospel. When the disciples did this, they were
dependent on God to provide for their most basic needs, such as food, clothing
and lodging. When they did this, God
showed up in a mighty way, people were healed, people and the Kingdom of God
was proclaimed. True dependency on God
is realizing if that He doesn’t show up, we are going to fail and fall flat on
our face. It is not having that back up
plan in case God doesn’t show up. Dependency
is trusting God will show up. Through prayer and worship we get to know what
Gods heart is and what He is calling us to do.
Dependency is not irresponsibility.
It is like the person who gets told by three different people at different
stages of the flood that they need to evacuate, and yet doesn’t because they think
God will save them. When they get to
heaven, they blame God for not saving them and yet God did show up three
different times.
Trusting God means that we will get mocked by the world because
the standard of the world is different than Gods. The worlds version of dependency is pulling
ourselves up by our boot straps and plowing people over if necessary to get
things done. It is self reliance and
that will always end very badly. Godly
dependency is not taking control from God, but allowing Him to work through
us. It is scary as all get out, when we
allow God to work through our weaknesses.
If we did it out of our strengths, do we really need God in our lives. God doesn’t want a piece of us, he wants the
whole thing, the good, bad and the ugly.
I finish with this story. I was in college and they were selling roses
for some fundraiser. I bought several
roses for a group of guy friends who had an impact on me during that year. I thought it was weird and uncomfortable buying
a couple of guys red roses. Some time
later, one of the guys told me how much he appreciated that gesture and it
meant a lot to him.
Questions to Ponder>
What is the point of expecting God to show up
and yet having a back up plan?
Do we value being right over
being in relationship?
How do we keep a proper view of
ourselves and not get to high or low?
