Dependency

Dependency: a dependent or subordinate thing, especially a country or province controlled by another.

And he called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal.  And he said to them, “Take nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not have two tunics.  And whatever house you enter, stay there, and from there depart.  And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them.”  And they departed and went through the villages, preaching the gospel and healing everywhere.

Luke 9:1-6

            When I think of the word dependency, one of the first things that come to my mind is the show Law & Order: SVU.  It is where Detectives Munch and Finn walk into a crime scene where there is someone who has been battered by their significant other.  These battered people won’t leave because they think they have nowhere else to turn, a distorted view of loyalty or are afraid of what will happen to the children.  The other view of dependency that I often find myself thinking is what is that one thing that we can not live without no matter how much damage it does to our health, relationships, or bank account.  Whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, or that morning cup/pot of coffee.  If we do not get those things, are day is often ruined and or we make a concerted effort to go out and get that one thing to fulfill that need.  As much as dependency is a bad thing, here are some ideas where we can reclaim it and have a healthy relationship with dependency, and yes this does sound like an oxymoron. 

            Depenncey as Humillity: One might ask how does humility and dependency go together because these two words can bring up definitions of being run over, not having any self worth, or not promoting ones talents and accomplishments or the number of likes/interactions to a social media post.  I think we are this way because we are such reactionary people and we demand others and ourselves to react and over react to every situation.  Social media and the 24 hour news cycle plays into this hysteria really well, because its always having information at our fingertips to react too.  This leads us to the belief that we have the right to be offended and to become a member of pitchfork nation when something doesn’t feel right.  Do not get me wrong, there are things that are offensive and that are worth getting offended over and this often leads to change.

            So, humility is knowing who we are, knowing who we belong to, and living in this reality.  Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.  This means we know what our talents are, what our weakness are and learning and growing from our mistakes.  True humility is not lying to ourselves or others and being honest with ourselves about our current situation.  It is not making things out to be greater or worse than they really are.  It is taking off our mask and seeing things for what they are, and this is really tough, because we all have hurts, biases and egos that are either damaged or inflated that play into our mindset and affect how we view our life.  Humility is allowing people into our lives and being honest with each other, along with knowing when to ask for help and we have to put on the big kid pants and go out and do it.

            Dependency as Trust: This is a big one because I think trust is more than just saying “I trust you” to family and friends and then we try to take the control of the situation and things getting messing.  Its like doing a group project and when things get delegated, we do our responsibilities, plus someone else’s because we don’t think they will do it or will do as good of a job as we would.  Trust is having someone else’s best interest in mind and them having our best interest in mind also and living life together.  An example of this is that at my favorite coffee shop, I have a cool running political conversation with one of the baristas.  We sit on different sides of the political aisle, but we value relationship and being able to converse about the hot button topics such as impeachment, right to life, or second amendment rights.  One of the cool things about these ongoing conversations is that she is from a younger generation, so she comes at things differently. 

            Trust is also vulnerability, and I know I have hinted at this earlier, but vulnerability is allowing people to see us in our greatness and in our mess.  Vulnerability is a two way street. A person is equally vulnerable to you as you are to them.  I know that there are people who are open books, no matter who they are with, which can lead to issues, but are we willing to open ourselves up to others to celebrate the good stuff, cry with the scary stuff and to be challenged to cut the crap and to grow up

            Dependency as Expectation: If you ever have seen fire hydrants being flushed, you know it is a lot of water that comes out rather quickly. This is what living a committed Christian life is about that we live life full blast and we do not sleep walk through it.  When Jesus sends out the disciples out, He told them to bring nothing with them but the good news of the Gospel.  When the disciples did this, they were dependent on God to provide for their most basic needs, such as food, clothing and lodging.  When they did this, God showed up in a mighty way, people were healed, people and the Kingdom of God was proclaimed.  True dependency on God is realizing if that He doesn’t show up, we are going to fail and fall flat on our face.  It is not having that back up plan in case God doesn’t show up.  Dependency is trusting God will show up. Through prayer and worship we get to know what Gods heart is and what He is calling us to do.  Dependency is not irresponsibility.  It is like the person who gets told by three different people at different stages of the flood that they need to evacuate, and yet doesn’t because they think God will save them.  When they get to heaven, they blame God for not saving them and yet God did show up three different times. 

Trusting God means that we will get mocked by the world because the standard of the world is different than Gods.  The worlds version of dependency is pulling ourselves up by our boot straps and plowing people over if necessary to get things done.  It is self reliance and that will always end very badly.  Godly dependency is not taking control from God, but allowing Him to work through us.  It is scary as all get out, when we allow God to work through our weaknesses.  If we did it out of our strengths, do we really need God in our lives.  God doesn’t want a piece of us, he wants the whole thing, the good, bad and the ugly.

 I finish with this story.  I was in college and they were selling roses for some fundraiser.  I bought several roses for a group of guy friends who had an impact on me during that year.  I thought it was weird and uncomfortable buying a couple of guys red roses.  Some time later, one of the guys told me how much he appreciated that gesture and it meant a lot to him. 

            Questions to Ponder>

                What is the point of expecting God to show up and yet having a back up plan?

                 Do we value being right over being in relationship?

                How do we keep a proper view of ourselves and not get to high or low?