Friends and sacrifice

    I was watching a hockey game last week and I noticed something that I have never noticed before.  There were players for both team, but especially the home team when in the defensive zone would be "falling" down every time an opposing player would take a shot.  It is not because these players are bad skaters, because they are professional skaters and most of them can skate better backwards better than the average person can skate forward.  What they were doing was either blocking or attempting to block shots of the opposing team so the puck does not get to the goaltender and have the possibility of getting past him.  Blocked shots are an actual stat that is kept by hockey teams on various levels of play.  In essence, the players are sacrificing themselves to be hit by a hard piece of rubber so that they might have a better chance of winning.  It is really hard for the puck to go in when it doesn't make it to the net. 

 This has gotten me thinking over the last week about this idea of sacrifice and friendship. We tend to be people of gluttony, it doesn't matter if it is with food, time, money, possessions and even friendships.  Most of us want the most friends with the most benefits with giving up the least amount of work.  This is a vary dangerous path and the opposite is true to.  What are we willing to do to make things happen.  I understand that we tend to over use the word sacrifice in a variety of venues, but where do we go from talking about sacrifice to implementing it.  Sacrifice has the implication of it costing us something, or the giving up of something to gain something else. The common Bible verse that keeps coming to mind is found in John 15, which is greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.  The question is, what are we willing to do for our friends to build healthy boundaries and have healthy friendships.  What are will willing to give up to make the friendship work.  I think there are times where we are to willing to chuck people underneath the bus to make things work for us.  Here are some ideas that I have been wrestling with. 

  The first realization is that we all have friends that are in different life situations, and this does not make them a better or worse person.  I am still working through this and don't have all the answers. With me approaching my mid thirties and still single, I am in a different boat than some of my friends, because they are married and have children.  This means that long phone calls and late night Applebees outings are few and far between.  Priorities are different and to be honest there are things that they go through on a day to day basis that I have no understanding of.  It doesn't mean that I am not as smart, it just means that their experience is different.  Sometimes just embracing those differences and unknown things makes for a better friendship.  Also, embracing the children and parenthood is key to this friendship, no matter if the kids are cute and fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.

  The second realization is that we all have friends who either come around when they need something, or they are needy and are always needing something.  These are the friends who always seem to be taking and not much is giving back.  I have seen enough rants on social media to know that it drives people crazy when this happens.  So here is my piece of advice, don't be that person.  Most likely we are that needy person to someone.  I am not saying we can not ask for help or we going through a difficult season of life where we do are share of taking.  This is apart of life, but when it becomes our character, something is wrong.  This is where we start to see people not as people, but as an avenue to get things done.  We are essentially running them over so our needs can be met.  This is where healthy boundaries need to be set and if you are that needy person, quit it and  apologize for it.

  The third and most important thing about sacrifice and friendship is accountability.  It is something as Americans we are not fond of, especially us guys.  We would rather say everything is ok and move on.  Are we willing to stick around and not only ask the tough questions, but are we willing to stick around to share and hear those answers.  I think one of the biggest sacrifices we can make with each other is being honest with each other.  We often just want to hear the good stuff and not the bad and where we need to change.  This style of friendship means that we are journeying through this life together and not holding each other higher or lower than we should, but though the eyes of Christ. Essentially it is remembering that we are all equal at the foot of the cross. 

  Back to the hockey analogy.  One of the signs of a good team that is headed in the right direction is that they are diving for loose pucks, blocking shots for their goaltender, playing fundamentally sound and they do not care who gets the credit, because everyone is carrying their fair share.  €