I was on vacation last week and I had the privilege of hearing one of my college friends preach an excellent sermon. One of the thrust of his message was that as we live our life, we find out that its not fair. It got me thinking about the 75th anniversary of Lou Gehrig's famous speech. Lou Gehrig was a baseball player for the New York Yankees in the 1920's-1930's and the three things he is most known for is his record consecutive games played in 2130 (which since has been broken), the terrible disease that bears his name and his famous speech. He made his famous and impromptu speech of declaring himself the luckiest man of the face of this earth after his disease diagnosis and weeks of media speculation. I think there are several things we can learn from his speech.
The first one is a matter of perspective. Are we willing to give thanks for all things and in all situations. There are going to be times in life when things do not go our way, how do we deal with it. So often I find myself grumbling and having a foul attitude when something doesn't go my way and I am giving people a piece of my mind at least on the inside. Being thankful is more than just being happy, because being happy is based on things that are going on around you. Happiness is often temporal, because we are bound to have a yucky day from time to time. Being grateful is based on who we belong to, and who we are, and not what is happening to us. Being grateful means that we have that peace of God living in us and through us, and no matter what we are living a life of contentment. Being content is finding peace with what you have, but always looking ways to grow that you can control.
The second one is a realization that life isn't fair. Lou Gehrig knew this well. He could of complained about receiving ALS, but his attitude seemed to be one of humility. Here is some thoughts on fairness. We all want life to be fair and to get what we think we deserve. Here is the cold hard facts, if we really got what was fair, we all be in trouble because our fairness is based on our standards, and our standards are aimed to make us happy and to look good. Our standards and rules for fairness is based on our questionable judgment and an aim to serve me first, or at least we can get some benefit out of it. As people we are really selfish and we can look at history of our own lives and the lives of others to see that personal interest and our own standards have a really high failure rate.
Another reason why we think that life aint fair is because we place our own standards on other people and not follow through with them ourselves. It is a whole lot easier for us to expect other people to live by our own standards than for us to do the hard work. This takes hard work, possible criticism and when we do fail, we have no one to blame but ourselves. In all reality, people like to play the blame game for why something didn't work. Why do I have to take responsibility if I can pass most or all of the blame on someone else.
The third big reason why we view that life aint fair is we question the gifts that God gives. God is the giver all gifts that are good and holy. We often think that our judgment is on par or better than God's. We often want the gifts that we think are cool and sexy. When we start wanting those gifts and blaming God for not giving us those gifts, we are telling God that we are more important than He is and He doesn't know what He is doing. When we want those gifts, it is often to bring ourselves glory and not giving God glory. The reason God gives those gifts is not because He wants to make us happy, but to bring Him glory and to point the world to Him.
This post doesn't cover the problem of evil and why bad things happen to good people, which is a lengthy conversation in itself. This is just a beginning blog post and our view of fairness needs to change how we view life to How God views life
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Loyalty
As I pay attention to professional sports, one of the trends that fans expect in all leagues is loyalty. We demand loyalty from owners, other fans, and especially players. We all become indignant when the star player leaves for another team, especially when it is the rival team. Loyalty doesn't come to just sports teams, but it extends to the places we shop, to the cloths we wear, and even to the people we hang out with. There are number of grocery stores, gas stations and even coffee shops that offer some sort of rewards programs. If you buy so much of gas, coffee, or groceries, you will get a percentage off or something free. There are a lot of good things about loyalty and it is something that we all should have in our lives, but loyalty does have a dark side. If we are not careful, we will start demanding things that we do not expect of ourselves, or end up in relationships that are not healthy. Here are some areas of loyalty that we really need to squash, and if we don't, bad things will happen.
The first dark side of loyalty is that it can be a relationship killer. One might think that loyalty will help keep the relationship going and keep it strong. The way that loyalty kills the relationship is that one is afraid to rock the boat or to disagree with the parties involved. The worse killer of the relationship is when we are so loyal in the relationship that we can not tell the other person they are wrong or admit to being wrong. This is seeing that disagreement as being wrong and that when we tell other people they are wrong its that we are cutting them down as people. In essence, we value the relationship over accountability. We would rather keep the relationship superficial instead of digging deeper. In this phase we do not value the person, because we are not willing to be open and honest with them. If we really do value the relationship, we tell people the truth and not what we think they want to here. When we tell people what we think they want to hear, and not the truth, not only are we lying to them, but we are lying to ourselves. What kind of relationship is it, if we can not be honest.
The second dark side of loyalty is closely related to the first one. It is the concept of we care more about the outward appearance than what is really going on, in the inside. We would rather make things look good, when they are really not. Two examples of this, is that we are either putting lipstick on a pig, or instead of changing the diaper, we are using the scented candles. We want to keep the relationship so bad, we keep doing or not doing things to keep the relationship afloat. Instead of working on things that need to be worked on, we are dancing around them or sweeping them under the rug and not admitting that they are even there. When we do not admit to the elephant in the room because of loyalty, the relationship will die faster than a sinking ship. An example of this is when I am talking with one of my good friends, he often starts rambling about something random and then I start to zone out. Then after awhile he calls me out on it and I look like an idiot. The other day we were talking and he decided to do this and I called him out on it. He was really impressed and proud of me.
The third dark side of loyalty is that we expect more out of others than we do ourselves. I see this in professional sports all the time. We want the athletes to stay with the same team their whole career and when they bolt for more money and better benefits, we get angry. Here is the thing, we would do the same thing if we were given the same opportunity. In all reality, it is a double standard. We should expect the same from ourselves, if not better, as we do others. Its just not fair to hold people to standards that we will not told ourselves too. One of the other dangers with this mentality is that we live through other people. Whether it is pro athletes, our children, superiors at work, or people we admire. We live through them, because we want what they have. Whether it is fulfilling unmet dreams or desires, or that we are not satisfied with our own life. To be point plank, we are lusting after other peoples giftings and talents, and most of the time its because we are not willing to put in the work and the time to develop our own, or we have a bad view of our giftings. We all want the glamorous talents, such as looks, athleticism, leadership, and others, but here is the thing, all the talents are equal, because they are designed to not only reach people, but reach people for the Kingdom of God. When we can start being more honest with ourselves and others, we can be more honest with God. When we lust after other things, we are slapping God in the face and saying that He screwed up with us. It is time where we start being honest with ourselves, others, and especially God. Loyalty is a good thing, but when we can not be honest and it starts to ruin our relationship with God and others, it is a very bad thing
The first dark side of loyalty is that it can be a relationship killer. One might think that loyalty will help keep the relationship going and keep it strong. The way that loyalty kills the relationship is that one is afraid to rock the boat or to disagree with the parties involved. The worse killer of the relationship is when we are so loyal in the relationship that we can not tell the other person they are wrong or admit to being wrong. This is seeing that disagreement as being wrong and that when we tell other people they are wrong its that we are cutting them down as people. In essence, we value the relationship over accountability. We would rather keep the relationship superficial instead of digging deeper. In this phase we do not value the person, because we are not willing to be open and honest with them. If we really do value the relationship, we tell people the truth and not what we think they want to here. When we tell people what we think they want to hear, and not the truth, not only are we lying to them, but we are lying to ourselves. What kind of relationship is it, if we can not be honest.
The second dark side of loyalty is closely related to the first one. It is the concept of we care more about the outward appearance than what is really going on, in the inside. We would rather make things look good, when they are really not. Two examples of this, is that we are either putting lipstick on a pig, or instead of changing the diaper, we are using the scented candles. We want to keep the relationship so bad, we keep doing or not doing things to keep the relationship afloat. Instead of working on things that need to be worked on, we are dancing around them or sweeping them under the rug and not admitting that they are even there. When we do not admit to the elephant in the room because of loyalty, the relationship will die faster than a sinking ship. An example of this is when I am talking with one of my good friends, he often starts rambling about something random and then I start to zone out. Then after awhile he calls me out on it and I look like an idiot. The other day we were talking and he decided to do this and I called him out on it. He was really impressed and proud of me.
The third dark side of loyalty is that we expect more out of others than we do ourselves. I see this in professional sports all the time. We want the athletes to stay with the same team their whole career and when they bolt for more money and better benefits, we get angry. Here is the thing, we would do the same thing if we were given the same opportunity. In all reality, it is a double standard. We should expect the same from ourselves, if not better, as we do others. Its just not fair to hold people to standards that we will not told ourselves too. One of the other dangers with this mentality is that we live through other people. Whether it is pro athletes, our children, superiors at work, or people we admire. We live through them, because we want what they have. Whether it is fulfilling unmet dreams or desires, or that we are not satisfied with our own life. To be point plank, we are lusting after other peoples giftings and talents, and most of the time its because we are not willing to put in the work and the time to develop our own, or we have a bad view of our giftings. We all want the glamorous talents, such as looks, athleticism, leadership, and others, but here is the thing, all the talents are equal, because they are designed to not only reach people, but reach people for the Kingdom of God. When we can start being more honest with ourselves and others, we can be more honest with God. When we lust after other things, we are slapping God in the face and saying that He screwed up with us. It is time where we start being honest with ourselves, others, and especially God. Loyalty is a good thing, but when we can not be honest and it starts to ruin our relationship with God and others, it is a very bad thing
Monday, June 16, 2014
The church and spurs
If you paid any attention to basketball over the last fifteen years or so, you would know that the San Antonio Spurs have been a really good team. Since 1999, they have only had one year of not reaching fifty wins, and that was a strike shortened year. In that time they have been to six NBA Finals, while winning five of them. Their head coach Greg Popavich and star player Tim Duncan have been there for all of them, while the two other star players (Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker) have been there for four of the championships. What this three players and their head coach have accomplished is very impressive and very hard to do. The Spurs have been known for years to be one of the best run basketball organizations in the NBA and it got me thinking what can the church learn from them. I posed this question to my social media accounts and this what a friend and I came up with.
The first idea that we can learn is that in order for any organization to succeed, but especially the church, there needs to be sacrifice. Tim Duncan is one of the greatest players to ever play his position at any generation of basketball. He could of demanded the outrageous pay check, or that the scheme of the game would revolve around him. Instead, he did what the team needed him to do to be successful, both on the court and off of the court. If the church wants to have an impact on their community and the world, it needs to learn about sacrifice. It is learning to give God and others the credit when credit is deserved and owning up to mistakes. It is also learning that we are neither too good nor is anything way above us. Are we willing to do what it takes to build the church. Whether it is spending time cleaning, to teaching a kids Sunday school class, to being in a leadership position. Now we all have particular gifts and we need to use them to all of our ability and help the church become healthy and vibrant.
The second idea is that size does not matter and this is what I mean. San Antonio is considered a small market team, so that means they potentially have a less of a income stream coming in through attendance, merchandising and media rights and this means they have to be more financially sound with their money. How this applies to the church is that we do not have to be a church with five pastors and an average attendance of 500 plus to have an impact on the community. The question is that are we using the resources and talents that we have wisely. It is about knowing who you are and Gods purpose for the church.
The other concept is the idea that we have to have the mindset that we are more concerned about fundamentals over the flash. The Spurs have been known for playing fundamentally sound basketball. This is playing good defense, not turning the ball over and taking what the other team gives you. For some, this is boring basketball, because it isn't up and down with a lot of dunking. As a church, are we more concerned about the flash and excitement, or do we more concerned with about discipleship, worship, and evangelism. The fundamentals of the faith is that we bring new people in, create mature disciples of Christ and those mature disciples go out to bring more people in to disciple so they can become mature reproducing Christians. Why look for the new thing, when we are not doing what we know we should be doing. Obedience is not only maturity, but it is following through with what we know to be true and learning something new. We can not run unless we get the walking thing down first.
The third thing we can learn from the Spurs is the idea of leadership. Having fifteen plus years with the same coach in the NBA is unheard of. I would guess the average shelf life for a coach is under five years. The leadership of a church and should always be pointing towards Jesus. The leadership of the church not only needs to practice what it preaches. but there needs to be humility and servanthood. Are the leaders of the church spending as much time on their knees as they are leading? This applies to more than just the pastor. The church leaders are not the ones with the title, but the one who has a sphere of influence. When the decisions are being made, who are people turning to for guidance and who ultimately can sway the vote. It is being consistent and it also is being molded by Jesus so they can mold other people.
I know that there is more that can be written and the question is the church in it for the long haul and are we willing to put in the work to impact the world
The first idea that we can learn is that in order for any organization to succeed, but especially the church, there needs to be sacrifice. Tim Duncan is one of the greatest players to ever play his position at any generation of basketball. He could of demanded the outrageous pay check, or that the scheme of the game would revolve around him. Instead, he did what the team needed him to do to be successful, both on the court and off of the court. If the church wants to have an impact on their community and the world, it needs to learn about sacrifice. It is learning to give God and others the credit when credit is deserved and owning up to mistakes. It is also learning that we are neither too good nor is anything way above us. Are we willing to do what it takes to build the church. Whether it is spending time cleaning, to teaching a kids Sunday school class, to being in a leadership position. Now we all have particular gifts and we need to use them to all of our ability and help the church become healthy and vibrant.
The second idea is that size does not matter and this is what I mean. San Antonio is considered a small market team, so that means they potentially have a less of a income stream coming in through attendance, merchandising and media rights and this means they have to be more financially sound with their money. How this applies to the church is that we do not have to be a church with five pastors and an average attendance of 500 plus to have an impact on the community. The question is that are we using the resources and talents that we have wisely. It is about knowing who you are and Gods purpose for the church.
The other concept is the idea that we have to have the mindset that we are more concerned about fundamentals over the flash. The Spurs have been known for playing fundamentally sound basketball. This is playing good defense, not turning the ball over and taking what the other team gives you. For some, this is boring basketball, because it isn't up and down with a lot of dunking. As a church, are we more concerned about the flash and excitement, or do we more concerned with about discipleship, worship, and evangelism. The fundamentals of the faith is that we bring new people in, create mature disciples of Christ and those mature disciples go out to bring more people in to disciple so they can become mature reproducing Christians. Why look for the new thing, when we are not doing what we know we should be doing. Obedience is not only maturity, but it is following through with what we know to be true and learning something new. We can not run unless we get the walking thing down first.
The third thing we can learn from the Spurs is the idea of leadership. Having fifteen plus years with the same coach in the NBA is unheard of. I would guess the average shelf life for a coach is under five years. The leadership of a church and should always be pointing towards Jesus. The leadership of the church not only needs to practice what it preaches. but there needs to be humility and servanthood. Are the leaders of the church spending as much time on their knees as they are leading? This applies to more than just the pastor. The church leaders are not the ones with the title, but the one who has a sphere of influence. When the decisions are being made, who are people turning to for guidance and who ultimately can sway the vote. It is being consistent and it also is being molded by Jesus so they can mold other people.
I know that there is more that can be written and the question is the church in it for the long haul and are we willing to put in the work to impact the world
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Friends and sacrifice
I was watching a hockey game last week and I noticed something that I have never noticed before. There were players for both team, but especially the home team when in the defensive zone would be "falling" down every time an opposing player would take a shot. It is not because these players are bad skaters, because they are professional skaters and most of them can skate better backwards better than the average person can skate forward. What they were doing was either blocking or attempting to block shots of the opposing team so the puck does not get to the goaltender and have the possibility of getting past him. Blocked shots are an actual stat that is kept by hockey teams on various levels of play. In essence, the players are sacrificing themselves to be hit by a hard piece of rubber so that they might have a better chance of winning. It is really hard for the puck to go in when it doesn't make it to the net.
This has gotten me thinking over the last week about this idea of sacrifice and friendship. We tend to be people of gluttony, it doesn't matter if it is with food, time, money, possessions and even friendships. Most of us want the most friends with the most benefits with giving up the least amount of work. This is a vary dangerous path and the opposite is true to. What are we willing to do to make things happen. I understand that we tend to over use the word sacrifice in a variety of venues, but where do we go from talking about sacrifice to implementing it. Sacrifice has the implication of it costing us something, or the giving up of something to gain something else. The common Bible verse that keeps coming to mind is found in John 15, which is greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. The question is, what are we willing to do for our friends to build healthy boundaries and have healthy friendships. What are will willing to give up to make the friendship work. I think there are times where we are to willing to chuck people underneath the bus to make things work for us. Here are some ideas that I have been wrestling with.
The first realization is that we all have friends that are in different life situations, and this does not make them a better or worse person. I am still working through this and don't have all the answers. With me approaching my mid thirties and still single, I am in a different boat than some of my friends, because they are married and have children. This means that long phone calls and late night Applebees outings are few and far between. Priorities are different and to be honest there are things that they go through on a day to day basis that I have no understanding of. It doesn't mean that I am not as smart, it just means that their experience is different. Sometimes just embracing those differences and unknown things makes for a better friendship. Also, embracing the children and parenthood is key to this friendship, no matter if the kids are cute and fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.
The second realization is that we all have friends who either come around when they need something, or they are needy and are always needing something. These are the friends who always seem to be taking and not much is giving back. I have seen enough rants on social media to know that it drives people crazy when this happens. So here is my piece of advice, don't be that person. Most likely we are that needy person to someone. I am not saying we can not ask for help or we going through a difficult season of life where we do are share of taking. This is apart of life, but when it becomes our character, something is wrong. This is where we start to see people not as people, but as an avenue to get things done. We are essentially running them over so our needs can be met. This is where healthy boundaries need to be set and if you are that needy person, quit it and apologize for it.
The third and most important thing about sacrifice and friendship is accountability. It is something as Americans we are not fond of, especially us guys. We would rather say everything is ok and move on. Are we willing to stick around and not only ask the tough questions, but are we willing to stick around to share and hear those answers. I think one of the biggest sacrifices we can make with each other is being honest with each other. We often just want to hear the good stuff and not the bad and where we need to change. This style of friendship means that we are journeying through this life together and not holding each other higher or lower than we should, but though the eyes of Christ. Essentially it is remembering that we are all equal at the foot of the cross.
Back to the hockey analogy. One of the signs of a good team that is headed in the right direction is that they are diving for loose pucks, blocking shots for their goaltender, playing fundamentally sound and they do not care who gets the credit, because everyone is carrying their fair share. €
This has gotten me thinking over the last week about this idea of sacrifice and friendship. We tend to be people of gluttony, it doesn't matter if it is with food, time, money, possessions and even friendships. Most of us want the most friends with the most benefits with giving up the least amount of work. This is a vary dangerous path and the opposite is true to. What are we willing to do to make things happen. I understand that we tend to over use the word sacrifice in a variety of venues, but where do we go from talking about sacrifice to implementing it. Sacrifice has the implication of it costing us something, or the giving up of something to gain something else. The common Bible verse that keeps coming to mind is found in John 15, which is greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. The question is, what are we willing to do for our friends to build healthy boundaries and have healthy friendships. What are will willing to give up to make the friendship work. I think there are times where we are to willing to chuck people underneath the bus to make things work for us. Here are some ideas that I have been wrestling with.
The first realization is that we all have friends that are in different life situations, and this does not make them a better or worse person. I am still working through this and don't have all the answers. With me approaching my mid thirties and still single, I am in a different boat than some of my friends, because they are married and have children. This means that long phone calls and late night Applebees outings are few and far between. Priorities are different and to be honest there are things that they go through on a day to day basis that I have no understanding of. It doesn't mean that I am not as smart, it just means that their experience is different. Sometimes just embracing those differences and unknown things makes for a better friendship. Also, embracing the children and parenthood is key to this friendship, no matter if the kids are cute and fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum for no apparent reason.
The second realization is that we all have friends who either come around when they need something, or they are needy and are always needing something. These are the friends who always seem to be taking and not much is giving back. I have seen enough rants on social media to know that it drives people crazy when this happens. So here is my piece of advice, don't be that person. Most likely we are that needy person to someone. I am not saying we can not ask for help or we going through a difficult season of life where we do are share of taking. This is apart of life, but when it becomes our character, something is wrong. This is where we start to see people not as people, but as an avenue to get things done. We are essentially running them over so our needs can be met. This is where healthy boundaries need to be set and if you are that needy person, quit it and apologize for it.
The third and most important thing about sacrifice and friendship is accountability. It is something as Americans we are not fond of, especially us guys. We would rather say everything is ok and move on. Are we willing to stick around and not only ask the tough questions, but are we willing to stick around to share and hear those answers. I think one of the biggest sacrifices we can make with each other is being honest with each other. We often just want to hear the good stuff and not the bad and where we need to change. This style of friendship means that we are journeying through this life together and not holding each other higher or lower than we should, but though the eyes of Christ. Essentially it is remembering that we are all equal at the foot of the cross.
Back to the hockey analogy. One of the signs of a good team that is headed in the right direction is that they are diving for loose pucks, blocking shots for their goaltender, playing fundamentally sound and they do not care who gets the credit, because everyone is carrying their fair share. €
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Suckingt up can be...
I have come across a realization about myself recently and for those of you who know me, it is a no brainer. I realized that I am a suck up, and the people I work with often joke about it with me. They call me a brownnoser or other terms and there are some lessons that I have learned about being a suck up. This has been a character trait in me for years, and I was even voted as a suck up by my fellow classmates as a senior. Even though I think I am coming across as being nice or building other people up, it has some ugly consequences.
The first ugly truth is that being a suck up is that you tend to see people as what they can do for you and not who they are. The only reason they are in your circle is because they provide something for you. Whether it is a providing a listening ear, pawning activities or work on them, or using something of theirs that we can't or wont do for ourselves. In this relationship, it is all about taking, and there isn't much giving back or gratitude. If there is gratitude its because they feel guilty and it is half hearted. I constantly see people complaining on Facebook about friends who only come around when they need something and never give anything in return. This is a classic suck up move. In the suck up world it is all about me and my needs.
The second ugly truth about being a suck up is that we never have an opinion of our own because we want everyone to be happy. We want everyone happy with us, just in case we need something, and we often don't confront issues because it might make people mad or we might loose a friendship. This often leads to shallow relationships and a shallow personality. We are to busy caring what other people think to work on our own issues or to develop any sort of opinion. In the world of a suck up, disagreements are bad and we avoid them at all cost. This often keeps other people at arms length and we have no solid relationships.
The third ugly truth about being a suck up is that we feel that we are never good enough. Another classic suck up move is that we are always being nice to people and doing things for them because we feel that we are not good enough. I think this comes down to that we find our self worth in what we do instead of who we are. Guys especially fall into this trap because we often find our identity in what we do. If we feel that we are not good enough, we try and do things to make other people happy. It could make us down right miserable, but if it makes the other person happy and that I can stay in their good graces, it doesn't really matter. It is something that I have to do. Often these things are missing the mark because we are not listening to other people and hearing what they want or what their needs are. Its about what I can do and not what they need.
The fourth ugly truth about being a suck up is that we elevate people higher to what they really are. In other words, we give people a god like status and everything we do or say revolves around what they do. We hindge on their every word and we would do anything for them to keep them on that pedestal. The opposite is true to. We are willing to kick anybody down because we view them as a worthless piece of garbage. We would do or say anything to keep them down and degrade them. These two ideas often come unintentional, and we don't know when we do it. Then there are other times where we know where we are being a jerk and we don't care and it gives us satisfaction doing it.
There are more ugly truths about being a suck up, but here are some solutions to overcome the suck up disease. The first one is realize that people are people and that people are not things. We need to stop using people for our guilty pleasures and to get what we want all the time. It is seeing them more than just what they do, but realizing that they are a person created in the image of God. Often how we treat others is a direct correlation how we relate to God. We need to realize that people are not pawns that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and not pawns in a chess game.
The second realization is that we need to be honest with others, God and ourselves. We have to be honest with God and others. Being a suck up often revolves around lies that we believe about ourselves and others and we need to stop doing this. We need to dive into the truth of Scripture to find out what it says and then to start applying it. When we do this, we can actually start being truthful with ourselves we can be truthful with others. Sometimes being honest with ourselves is the hardest part, because it focuses us to examine ourselves and to deal with both the good and bad. This is the only way we can see things clearly. This also means we need a few people in our lives to be honest with us. We all need an AJ Pierzynski in our lives. For those of you who don't know who he is, he is a baseball player who can come across as a jerk. He isn't afraid to get into peoples faces or to pick a fight. He often states what he thinks and is rather blunt about it. But heres the thing, every teammate of his has said that he is a great guy and one of the most loyal people out there. We all need someone who isn't afraid to get in our face, say what they think and to be extremely loyal.
The final truth we need to hear is that we can never ever work for peoples approval, and if we could, those relationships are not worth having, because we will always be one step behind. We need to love ourselves and others not for what we can do, but who we are. Yeah sure in every relationship we do things for each other, but it is getting to the point that those actions are because we want to, and not letting those actions define who we are. It is realizing that not only am I a person, but I have value not in what I do but who I am. Value doesn't come down to its usefulness or the price tag on it. Ultimately it comes down to, what someone is willing to pay for it. Our lives have great value because not only are we created in the image of the Creator, but He also sent His only Son as ransom for us, so this means our worth is not in our eyes but His. In other words, our worth is not found in what we can do, but what Christ does in us and through us. In closing we all got a little bit of kiss ass in all of us and lets knock it off.
The first ugly truth is that being a suck up is that you tend to see people as what they can do for you and not who they are. The only reason they are in your circle is because they provide something for you. Whether it is a providing a listening ear, pawning activities or work on them, or using something of theirs that we can't or wont do for ourselves. In this relationship, it is all about taking, and there isn't much giving back or gratitude. If there is gratitude its because they feel guilty and it is half hearted. I constantly see people complaining on Facebook about friends who only come around when they need something and never give anything in return. This is a classic suck up move. In the suck up world it is all about me and my needs.
The second ugly truth about being a suck up is that we never have an opinion of our own because we want everyone to be happy. We want everyone happy with us, just in case we need something, and we often don't confront issues because it might make people mad or we might loose a friendship. This often leads to shallow relationships and a shallow personality. We are to busy caring what other people think to work on our own issues or to develop any sort of opinion. In the world of a suck up, disagreements are bad and we avoid them at all cost. This often keeps other people at arms length and we have no solid relationships.
The third ugly truth about being a suck up is that we feel that we are never good enough. Another classic suck up move is that we are always being nice to people and doing things for them because we feel that we are not good enough. I think this comes down to that we find our self worth in what we do instead of who we are. Guys especially fall into this trap because we often find our identity in what we do. If we feel that we are not good enough, we try and do things to make other people happy. It could make us down right miserable, but if it makes the other person happy and that I can stay in their good graces, it doesn't really matter. It is something that I have to do. Often these things are missing the mark because we are not listening to other people and hearing what they want or what their needs are. Its about what I can do and not what they need.
The fourth ugly truth about being a suck up is that we elevate people higher to what they really are. In other words, we give people a god like status and everything we do or say revolves around what they do. We hindge on their every word and we would do anything for them to keep them on that pedestal. The opposite is true to. We are willing to kick anybody down because we view them as a worthless piece of garbage. We would do or say anything to keep them down and degrade them. These two ideas often come unintentional, and we don't know when we do it. Then there are other times where we know where we are being a jerk and we don't care and it gives us satisfaction doing it.
There are more ugly truths about being a suck up, but here are some solutions to overcome the suck up disease. The first one is realize that people are people and that people are not things. We need to stop using people for our guilty pleasures and to get what we want all the time. It is seeing them more than just what they do, but realizing that they are a person created in the image of God. Often how we treat others is a direct correlation how we relate to God. We need to realize that people are not pawns that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and not pawns in a chess game.
The second realization is that we need to be honest with others, God and ourselves. We have to be honest with God and others. Being a suck up often revolves around lies that we believe about ourselves and others and we need to stop doing this. We need to dive into the truth of Scripture to find out what it says and then to start applying it. When we do this, we can actually start being truthful with ourselves we can be truthful with others. Sometimes being honest with ourselves is the hardest part, because it focuses us to examine ourselves and to deal with both the good and bad. This is the only way we can see things clearly. This also means we need a few people in our lives to be honest with us. We all need an AJ Pierzynski in our lives. For those of you who don't know who he is, he is a baseball player who can come across as a jerk. He isn't afraid to get into peoples faces or to pick a fight. He often states what he thinks and is rather blunt about it. But heres the thing, every teammate of his has said that he is a great guy and one of the most loyal people out there. We all need someone who isn't afraid to get in our face, say what they think and to be extremely loyal.
The final truth we need to hear is that we can never ever work for peoples approval, and if we could, those relationships are not worth having, because we will always be one step behind. We need to love ourselves and others not for what we can do, but who we are. Yeah sure in every relationship we do things for each other, but it is getting to the point that those actions are because we want to, and not letting those actions define who we are. It is realizing that not only am I a person, but I have value not in what I do but who I am. Value doesn't come down to its usefulness or the price tag on it. Ultimately it comes down to, what someone is willing to pay for it. Our lives have great value because not only are we created in the image of the Creator, but He also sent His only Son as ransom for us, so this means our worth is not in our eyes but His. In other words, our worth is not found in what we can do, but what Christ does in us and through us. In closing we all got a little bit of kiss ass in all of us and lets knock it off.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Addiction is a...
I was talking with a friend last week and we were talking about his past issues with alcohol and his current job at a local detox center. I learned that you see a lot of interesting things at a detox center, especially when working midnights. Through this conversation I was reminded of the issues of addictions and how they can over run our lives very easily if we are not careful. Addictions do not strictly relate to drugs, alcohol or even food. I know this may sound kind of simplistic, but addiction really is anything that has an improper balance in our life. What I mean by this is that what ever our addiction is, it either has improper placement in our life, or it consumes our life. There is nothing wrong with playing fantasy sports, but when one spends countless hours getting ready for ones draft and then several hours daily/weekly on that fantasy sports, there just might be a problem. I have come to the conclusion in the past that addictions boil down to having a misplaced view of ourselves and or God. We either view ourselves or God to highly or do not give one or the other enough dignity. When this happens, we tend to overcompensate with thoughts, attitudes or actions. This is where we get into trouble.
Where we try and overcompensate is what I like to call coverings. These are things that are usually pretty harmless, and often are considered good characteristics. But these good characteristics can be used and abused into addiction. When we take these good qualities and we distort them, it is often to cover up an issue that we don't want to deal with. One example is that most everyone values hard work and having a good work ethic. We can even justify it by saying that we need to work a lot of hours to pay off bills, provide for the family, to make sure that one can retire. These are all good things, but when we are consumed on making the almighty dollar there is something wrong.
Another thing that I have learned about these coverings is that they tend to help us avoid reality. We go to them so that we can put off dealing what is in front of us. I think the biggest reason why we do these coverings is that these things will not disappoint, let us down or tell us no. These things tell us either we don't have to change, to keep to doing what were doing and that its not us, its always someone else's fault. These coverings tend to make our dysfunction minimal and the others peoples problem the bigger problem. It tends to lead to the blame game and an unhealthy balance. We do not to be told that we are wrong or that we need to change, that is why we keep going to those things that calm us and pets our ego. In all reality it is a form of escapism and when done for a prolong period of time, it can be vary dangerous and detrimental.
The flip side is that we use these coverings to try and change ourselves or others. We think if we just work harder, pray even harder, stop doing a certain activity, or doing a certain activity, that we can change. I'm not going to argue that there are things that we need to do, but when we develop the attitude of "work harder" or I just have to push through it, it tends to make things worse. This type of attitude is more of a works righteousness, or its all about me. I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out. Here is the problem, having this attitude is often what got us into this mess, so trying to work our way out usually makes the situation worse because we are usually the ones that got us into the mess to begin with. This is where the grace of God comes in and allowing Him to change us, this is the only way we can experience true freedom. It is a realization that it is not about me and that I need help and that I need a Savior.
I know this is a very simple post on addiction, and that most addictions take years of hard work to overcome. There also might be a realization that this is something that we will struggle with for the rest of our lives. We need to be willing to put in boundaries, have accountability and know what our triggers are. When we do these things and have a willingness to change and even seek professional help to deal with it. This is when we can start to over come it and grow in grace
Where we try and overcompensate is what I like to call coverings. These are things that are usually pretty harmless, and often are considered good characteristics. But these good characteristics can be used and abused into addiction. When we take these good qualities and we distort them, it is often to cover up an issue that we don't want to deal with. One example is that most everyone values hard work and having a good work ethic. We can even justify it by saying that we need to work a lot of hours to pay off bills, provide for the family, to make sure that one can retire. These are all good things, but when we are consumed on making the almighty dollar there is something wrong.
Another thing that I have learned about these coverings is that they tend to help us avoid reality. We go to them so that we can put off dealing what is in front of us. I think the biggest reason why we do these coverings is that these things will not disappoint, let us down or tell us no. These things tell us either we don't have to change, to keep to doing what were doing and that its not us, its always someone else's fault. These coverings tend to make our dysfunction minimal and the others peoples problem the bigger problem. It tends to lead to the blame game and an unhealthy balance. We do not to be told that we are wrong or that we need to change, that is why we keep going to those things that calm us and pets our ego. In all reality it is a form of escapism and when done for a prolong period of time, it can be vary dangerous and detrimental.
The flip side is that we use these coverings to try and change ourselves or others. We think if we just work harder, pray even harder, stop doing a certain activity, or doing a certain activity, that we can change. I'm not going to argue that there are things that we need to do, but when we develop the attitude of "work harder" or I just have to push through it, it tends to make things worse. This type of attitude is more of a works righteousness, or its all about me. I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out. Here is the problem, having this attitude is often what got us into this mess, so trying to work our way out usually makes the situation worse because we are usually the ones that got us into the mess to begin with. This is where the grace of God comes in and allowing Him to change us, this is the only way we can experience true freedom. It is a realization that it is not about me and that I need help and that I need a Savior.
I know this is a very simple post on addiction, and that most addictions take years of hard work to overcome. There also might be a realization that this is something that we will struggle with for the rest of our lives. We need to be willing to put in boundaries, have accountability and know what our triggers are. When we do these things and have a willingness to change and even seek professional help to deal with it. This is when we can start to over come it and grow in grace
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Time is....
One of the best and most challenging times of the church calendar year is the season of Lent. Lent is very cool because it signifies that Easter is right around the corner and the crux of the Christian faith is about to be celebrated in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Also, all the Easter candy isn't half bad either, especially when we get to over stuff ourselves with Cadbury eggs and Peeps. In all the joyous hope of what the resurrection of Jesus and sugar highs can bring, there is a part of Lent that is challenging if we chose to acknowledge and participate in it. This harsh reality is that Lent forces us to not only face our own mortality and the most famous way of exiting earth is through death, but we also recognize that we are not perfect and that there are things that we need to improve on. There are many people who give up or fast things for Lent that may have a misplaced priority in their life. It could be anything from certain foods, to television, and technology. Hopefully, during this time of fasting, we are putting into practice good and healthy boundaries and practices to replace what we are fasting from. If not, we will find something just as equally destructive to take the place of what we are fasting. During this time of Lent, I have came up with a profound thought for me and that is I have come to realize that throughout the Old Testament, God mentions repeatedly that the Israelites are consistently stealing from Him. There are various thefts that God calls out the nation of Israel on. I know I don't like to hear this, but God has called me out on how I steal and one of the more common thefts I do is through time.
Through this awareness, I have realized that we all have gifts and talents, and when we do not use them to the best of our ability, or for the right purposes, we are stealing from God. Some might say, what is the gift of time? I know we all get twenty four hours a day and seven days a week, but it is how we use that time. We are all called to use it wisely. I also know that we all have different amounts of free time, due to family/relationship, church, and work commitments. I think how we use them signifies how are relationship with God is going. If we spend to much time and effort in one area, the others are going to become out of balance. How do I make sure that I use my time well.
The first realization I have is that I have a lot more free time than most and heres why. I am single with no kids, so this frees up a lot of time. I am not saying that being in a relationship or having kids is a bad thing, but it is a realization that I do not have to invest time into those areas that other people do. My only real time focus is my job (because I want to pay my bills) and some commitments at church. I might have a few extra things to do that my mom or others ask me to do, but in all reality, my work commitment is the biggest time constraint that I have to my time. So I am working through how to use my time better. Here is some things that I have learned
The first one is that time is a gift from God and it even might be a spiritual gift. I know Paul doesn't point blank name time as a spiritual gift, but I think it is as how we use those gifts is a reflection of how we use or don't use our time. As with any spiritual gift, it can be used for building the Kingdom of God, or for our own pleasures. I know I am pretty good at taking what I am good at and using it for my advantages and doing things that I want to do. The time of Lent is suppose to be a time where we are reflecting and finding out how we can use our giftings for God's glory and not personal gain.
The second realization that I came to, is that if there isn't accountability, things wont get done. I am learning to allow people in my life to help keep me accountable. A great way to find accountability, is by joining a small group or creating one. It is finding a couple people where you all can share what's going on, and pray for each other. It is more than just praying for warmer weather or someone's stubbed toe. It is finding those couple people you trust to share life with and to celebrate the good stuff, and to challenge each other on our attitudes and actions. For me I can waste time like no other, especially on my days off. I am learning that I need to be more proactive in what I do and not just do what comes to me. I can waste a lot of time on the internet, but for me it is finding time to do more writing and reading. I can say I am going to do those things, but if I don't develop a plan, and have accountability, they are not going to get done.
The third thing that I have realized is that I have noticed when I do not use my time wisely, that when I struggle with others areas of life. When I am not making the commitment for my devotional life or am content in just wasting time doing other things, this is when I tend to struggle with eating and a host of other things. One of the things that comes to mind is the saying "idle hands are the devils playground." Now this saying may not be completely true, but when my time because unproductive or even things that God has not called me to do at that time, I know I will struggle.
The final thing that I have learned is that if you want to know what is important to someone, find out what they spend most of there time doing. This excludes work, because we all need to pay the bills. When its not employment time, what we do most of, I have a hunch is where are greatest strength's are and where we struggle the most. We need to find a balance in life and knowing where our strength's are and where the pitfalls are and how we can work to miss them.
One last thought, I have a friend from seminary who is a pastor in Louisiana by the name of Chad Brooks (@revchadbrooks) who has a podcast called the Productive Pastor. It deals a lot with the issue of time and how we use it in and out of ministry settings. He is a great resource of how to better use time
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