Embrace

Embrace: hold (someone) closely in one's arms, especially as a sign of affection.  accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. ⁶ If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. ⁸ If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:5-10 ESV

            There are countless ways people show affection to each other and one the more common ways is through the giving of hugs.  In my book, there are three types of hugs that are universally acceptable and given.  The first one is what I call the guy/bro hug.  It is a sign of a mutual knowing and respect for each other.  The intimacy varies on this hug based on the two guys giving it, but there still signifies a relationship.  The second kind of hug is what is affectionally called the side hug.  I call this one the church hug, because of how often it gets used on Sunday mornings or Wednesday night youth groups. This hug usually shows sone sort of relationship with the other person, while keeping proper boundaries.  The third form of hugs is what I call a bear hug and by far my favorite hug.  Not only do these hugs show a rather deep intimacy and even vulnerability.  These hugs are not given out to just any one or at any time.  These hugs are often given in times of great celebration or great sorrow and should not be taken lightly. 

            Another word for hugs, is embrace, and the Apostle John is asking us a very important question in his first Epistle.  The question is, are we embracing light, or are we embracing darkness.  One question is asking, are we growing as a child of God by growing in grace and becoming holy.  Or are we walking away from God and fulfilling our own wants and desires.  We can not be embracing both at the same time, because they go together about as well as oil and water.  So lets take a look at the natural consequences of embracing darkness. 

            Embracing darkness can and will lead to a dichotomy.  We may say that we have a relationship with God or that we are good people, but our thoughts, actions and or speech do not back this up.  Its like a guy telling his wife that there is no one else but her, and yet they go “window shopping: while they are grocery shopping on a warm summer day and then they happen to tell their guy friends about what they saw.  We can not love and be committed to one thing or person and yet dream of another situation.  When we get to have those situations, they never ever meet the hype of our dreams and eventually we will start wishing for something else and we start to set fire to everything we touch and we become broken and bitter. 

            Embracing darkness will lead to vigilante justice.  In essence, we become one of the main characters in the movie Boondock Saints.  The premise of the movie is that the main characters go around killing the mobsters and gangsters that the law has not been able to convict.  One of my favorite quotes of the movie is, “you go around killing people who you think are evil, don’t you think that is a little weird, a little psycho.”  When we become vigilantes, ones view on goodness, feelings, actions, and speech all become subjective can change like the weather.  In essence, we define what is true and this truth often leads to what benefits us or how our enemy can suffer.  When we become vigilantes, any form of healthy relationships will go out the window, and we the only person we trust is ourselves and that doesn’t look good some days.

            Embracing darkness often leads alienation.  This means that the possibility of walking away or ruining any good relationship we have is rather high.  I know when I am fighting alienation in my life, I tend to become secluded, I think that people suck and that life sucks even worse.  It’s the why everyone picking on my syndrome.  When we embrace this form of darkness, we tend to pick up some nasty habits and what we struggle with, gets even worse.  It could be that we are eating or drinking way more than we should, our truth for others really is just plain snark and mean spirited.  It often leads to a deep depression filled with bad choices that have terrible consequences that could take years to dig out of.

            So if embracing darkness leads us down a dark road and that the truth is not in us, as people, we should embrace Gods truth, or light.  Here is some things of what it looks like. 

            Embracing the light means confession. As I have heard it said, confession is good for the soul.   When some people think of confession, is from the Roman Catholic tradition of going before the priest and confessing our sins so that we receive some sort of absolution.   Confession is admitting that we have not met Gods standards.  Confession and accepting Gods forgiveness allows us to be a child of the light.  This allows Gods grace to come in and to change our heart and our outlook on life.  When this happens, we do, think and speak differently. 

            Embracing the light also is being committed to Gods Word.  It is spending time reading the Bible and time in prayer.  If we are going to grow in Christ and bear His image, we need to spend time with Him.  How do we know what God wants and desires unless we spend time with Him and listen to what He has to say and applying it.

            Embracing the light also means that we are also means that we are yielding to the Holy Spirit and obey His prompting.  The Holy Spirit guides us and leads us in the areas where we need to change and provides the ability for us to change.  If we were left up to change ourselves, it wouldn’t happen, but through the leading and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, our wants and desires and even our character changes.  It is the process of Gods Image being restored in us.

            To wrap up, when we embrace the darkness, we essentially become Heath Leadger’s Joker and we bring chaos not only unto our lives but to the lives that we come into contact.  In essence we become morally bankrupt.  When we embrace the light, we bring peace to ourselves and with God, but we also give this to the world who desperately needs and wants it.

Questions to Ponder

   How often do we follow the Holy Spirits prompting?

   If we become what we embrace, is what we are embracing worth while?

   Do we become what we are vigilant against?

Unwritten

UNWRITTEN:  Not expressed in writing; oral, traditional⁹ 

My heart is broken within me;
    all my bones shake;
I am like a drunken man,
    like a man overcome by wine,
because of the Lord
    and because of his holy words.
¹⁰ For the land is full of adulterers;
    because of the curse the land mourns,
    and the pastures of the wilderness are dried up.
Their course is evil,
    and their might is not right.
¹¹ “Both prophet and priest are ungodly;
    even in my house I have found their evil,
declares the Lord.
¹² Therefore their way shall be to them
    like slippery paths in the darkness,
    into which they shall be driven and fall,
for I will bring disaster upon them
    in the year of their punishment,
declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 23:9-12 ESV

            I just wonder how many of us have unwritten rules not only for ourselves, but for others as well.  Think of these things as codes of conducts on how one should behave and how to interact with others.  You can not find said rules specifically stated in any state or local laws or religious texts, but every culture and country has them, and they are often a personal or group interpretation of stated rules and how they are implied.  Knowing these rules, we find out what someone values, like civility or not wanting to be offended  by not talking politics and or religion,   Being a baseball fan, one has to learn the unwritten rules of the game, like not stealing when having a big lead, not bunting for a hit to break up a no hitter or perfect game.  When these things happen, feelings get hurt and someone usually gets a fastball in the small of the back in the form of retaliation. 

            Over the last two months the Houston Astros and Boston Red Sox have been in the news for stealing signs electronically and then banging on trash cans to let the batter know what pitch is coming.  The Astros won the World Series in 2017, and the Red Sox won in 2018 and many in baseball thought that the teams cheated their way to a championship.  In baseball, one of the unwritten rules to my understanding is that it is ok to try and find out what the pitcher is going to throw, but when teams start using trash cans and electronics, many people in baseball say its gone to far.  People have lost jobs over this, fines have been handed out, and even the call for the teams to rescind their championships and the players rescind their bonuses and serve a lengthy suspension.  Many players have taken to social media to call the Houston Astros a bunch of cheaters. When the Atlanta Braves player Nick Markakis has the quote of

“its damaging to baseball, its anger.  I feel like every single guy over their needs a beating.”

The scary thing is that he isn’t the only player to come out and say something like this and, for everyone who has come out and said something, I am sure there are more who haven’t said anything but feel the same way.  So what can we learn about unwritten rules and the dangers of them. 

            The first thing we can learn is that unwritten rules are very subjective.  They often very from culture to culture and from generation to generation and even person to person.  Some players like to celebrate home runs by doing a bat flip or admiring it for a few seconds in the batters box to admire their moonshot.  Others players think those actions are not only showing up the other team, but it is a me before team attitude.  Its really hard to put rules to paper when they vary from person to person and situation to situation.  I think why we like our rules subjective is because when we get into questionable situations, it allows us a little bit of wiggle room to get out much damage,  When anything is subjective, especially rules, they are often based more on feelings, experience, or what we can get out of it.  When things are left to subjectivity, things can change quicker then the weather and at best truth is compromised.

            The second thing we can learn from unwritten rules is that we can become vigilantes.  When we become vigilantes, we are never wrong, its always someone else’s fault and some person or team becomes the villain.  When we become vigilantes, we see life through only one lens, and we expect others to see life through that lens and it doesn’t matter of age, skin color, where one is from, or cultural history, and there is only way to see and live life, and that’s my way. How often do we become vigilante over one from of worship, a particular Bible translation, or whether we are in the Reformed or Arminian theology camp.  There are battles worth fighting and hills worth dying on, but we have to watch out because if we are not careful, we will at least lose valuable relationships, if not become dinosaurs who wont change.  We have enough discernment to know what is personal preference and what is actual Truth.

            The third thing we can learn from unwritten rules is that it often creates a scare crow.  If we look back at our passage from Jeremiah, God is not only putting the nation of Israel on blast, but He is taking the prophet and priest out to the woodshed.  The priest and prophets were creating scarecrows by either taking Gods word and either perverting it, or completely disregarding it and creating something else to fit one’s selfish desires.  The scarecrow looks Godly but, in all reality, it is all fluff and is more concerned with looking the part than being the part.  If we spend any time in Gods presence, God will call us out on this and deals harshly with is if we don’t stop pretending.

            To wrap things up, how often do our unwritten rules turn into a slippery slope that cares more about damaging our relationships and our character instead of building both up.  In the New Testament, the Pharisees created a bunch of rules that were really impossible to meet because they thought these rules would make them more holy.  In all reality, these rules were drowning them in self-righteousness. In essence unwritten rules are designed to make us look better and is all about what we can do and control. 

Here are some questions to ponder:

   Are our unwritten rules designed to make ourselves loo better, or to handcuff others?

   How do we differentiate between personal preference and Gods truth?

   Do our unwritten rules protect or hide areas where we need to grow?

Dependency

Dependency: a dependent or subordinate thing, especially a country or province controlled by another.

And he called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal.  And he said to them, “Take nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not have two tunics.  And whatever house you enter, stay there, and from there depart.  And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them.”  And they departed and went through the villages, preaching the gospel and healing everywhere.

Luke 9:1-6

            When I think of the word dependency, one of the first things that come to my mind is the show Law & Order: SVU.  It is where Detectives Munch and Finn walk into a crime scene where there is someone who has been battered by their significant other.  These battered people won’t leave because they think they have nowhere else to turn, a distorted view of loyalty or are afraid of what will happen to the children.  The other view of dependency that I often find myself thinking is what is that one thing that we can not live without no matter how much damage it does to our health, relationships, or bank account.  Whether it is alcohol, drugs, food, or that morning cup/pot of coffee.  If we do not get those things, are day is often ruined and or we make a concerted effort to go out and get that one thing to fulfill that need.  As much as dependency is a bad thing, here are some ideas where we can reclaim it and have a healthy relationship with dependency, and yes this does sound like an oxymoron. 

            Depenncey as Humillity: One might ask how does humility and dependency go together because these two words can bring up definitions of being run over, not having any self worth, or not promoting ones talents and accomplishments or the number of likes/interactions to a social media post.  I think we are this way because we are such reactionary people and we demand others and ourselves to react and over react to every situation.  Social media and the 24 hour news cycle plays into this hysteria really well, because its always having information at our fingertips to react too.  This leads us to the belief that we have the right to be offended and to become a member of pitchfork nation when something doesn’t feel right.  Do not get me wrong, there are things that are offensive and that are worth getting offended over and this often leads to change.

            So, humility is knowing who we are, knowing who we belong to, and living in this reality.  Humility is not thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.  This means we know what our talents are, what our weakness are and learning and growing from our mistakes.  True humility is not lying to ourselves or others and being honest with ourselves about our current situation.  It is not making things out to be greater or worse than they really are.  It is taking off our mask and seeing things for what they are, and this is really tough, because we all have hurts, biases and egos that are either damaged or inflated that play into our mindset and affect how we view our life.  Humility is allowing people into our lives and being honest with each other, along with knowing when to ask for help and we have to put on the big kid pants and go out and do it.

            Dependency as Trust: This is a big one because I think trust is more than just saying “I trust you” to family and friends and then we try to take the control of the situation and things getting messing.  Its like doing a group project and when things get delegated, we do our responsibilities, plus someone else’s because we don’t think they will do it or will do as good of a job as we would.  Trust is having someone else’s best interest in mind and them having our best interest in mind also and living life together.  An example of this is that at my favorite coffee shop, I have a cool running political conversation with one of the baristas.  We sit on different sides of the political aisle, but we value relationship and being able to converse about the hot button topics such as impeachment, right to life, or second amendment rights.  One of the cool things about these ongoing conversations is that she is from a younger generation, so she comes at things differently. 

            Trust is also vulnerability, and I know I have hinted at this earlier, but vulnerability is allowing people to see us in our greatness and in our mess.  Vulnerability is a two way street. A person is equally vulnerable to you as you are to them.  I know that there are people who are open books, no matter who they are with, which can lead to issues, but are we willing to open ourselves up to others to celebrate the good stuff, cry with the scary stuff and to be challenged to cut the crap and to grow up

            Dependency as Expectation: If you ever have seen fire hydrants being flushed, you know it is a lot of water that comes out rather quickly. This is what living a committed Christian life is about that we live life full blast and we do not sleep walk through it.  When Jesus sends out the disciples out, He told them to bring nothing with them but the good news of the Gospel.  When the disciples did this, they were dependent on God to provide for their most basic needs, such as food, clothing and lodging.  When they did this, God showed up in a mighty way, people were healed, people and the Kingdom of God was proclaimed.  True dependency on God is realizing if that He doesn’t show up, we are going to fail and fall flat on our face.  It is not having that back up plan in case God doesn’t show up.  Dependency is trusting God will show up. Through prayer and worship we get to know what Gods heart is and what He is calling us to do.  Dependency is not irresponsibility.  It is like the person who gets told by three different people at different stages of the flood that they need to evacuate, and yet doesn’t because they think God will save them.  When they get to heaven, they blame God for not saving them and yet God did show up three different times. 

Trusting God means that we will get mocked by the world because the standard of the world is different than Gods.  The worlds version of dependency is pulling ourselves up by our boot straps and plowing people over if necessary to get things done.  It is self reliance and that will always end very badly.  Godly dependency is not taking control from God, but allowing Him to work through us.  It is scary as all get out, when we allow God to work through our weaknesses.  If we did it out of our strengths, do we really need God in our lives.  God doesn’t want a piece of us, he wants the whole thing, the good, bad and the ugly.

 I finish with this story.  I was in college and they were selling roses for some fundraiser.  I bought several roses for a group of guy friends who had an impact on me during that year.  I thought it was weird and uncomfortable buying a couple of guys red roses.  Some time later, one of the guys told me how much he appreciated that gesture and it meant a lot to him. 

            Questions to Ponder>

                What is the point of expecting God to show up and yet having a back up plan?

                 Do we value being right over being in relationship?

                How do we keep a proper view of ourselves and not get to high or low?

Evil

Evil: profound immorality and wicked

²⁰ Woe to those who call evil good
    and good evil,
who put darkness for light
    and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
    and sweet for bitter.

²¹ Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes
    and clever in their own sight.

Isaiah 5:20-21

            The problem of evil is one of those issues that we can sit and talk for hours on and we will walk way more confused than when we started.  The problem of evil often causes us to question the goodness of God and if He is really all powerful to prevent it and why would He allow it.  This lead me to reread NT Wright book Evil and the Justice of God and it is one of my favorite books of all time and it will be a book I will revisit within the next couple of years.  This book isn’t the end all be all on the subject, mostly because the book would go on forever, but Wright did make a couple interesting points in his book that I have been wrestling with.

            The first observation is how often do we as people go with the ideology that people are essentially good, and when evil does happen, we are shocked, and our said response to the evil is blown out of proportion.    An example of this is could be the basketball player Magic Johnson.  All throughout the 80’s he was one of the best basketball players on the planet, always had a smile on his face and very personable and seemed to be well liked by everyone who ever met him.  All this came tumbling down when he came out publicly of having HIV/AIDS and he abruptly retired from basketball.  He did try and make a come back as a player, but he received a lot of backlash for having the disease and he was called many names that are not are not worth repeating. This doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t of faces any consequences, but how often do our reactions tend to be on either extreme.  There are times when we live in the extremes will get us into trouble and not be able to see the picture clearly or respond appropriately.

            How often when we hear or see evil, is our response appropriate to what is said or done, or how often do we blow things out of the proportion.  We tend to break out the pitchforks and gain the mob mentality against said evil and our actions become just as aberrant as the original sin.  Pick a topic any of todays topic that gets people blood flowing, whether it is mass shootings vs the 2^nd Amendment, or government sponsored health care, vs fiscal responsibility and small government.  Each side tends to pick up their pitchforks and attacks the other side like they are a bunch of clueless idiots who belong in a different century or just need to be voted off the island.  These issues need to be discussed and dealt with properly, but I was taught by my mom calling someone a poopy head or butt sniffer is not the best way to go about business.  Maybe we need to learn how to attack the argument and not the person, but so often we demonize the person for the beliefs they hold and don’t address the issues at hand.

            The flip side to NT Wrights observation is the idea that when evil does happen, we become so numb to it, that we just don’t care.  We become like Eeyore, and drudge along thinking that we can’t change anything.  As Christians, this often leads to the prayer for Jesus to return by the end of the day or for Him to take us home immediately.  This is essentially throwing in the towel and saying that my God isn’t big enough, strong enough or willing to change things here on earth so we want Him to get us out of this hell hole.  This often leads to apathy and not care about anything except for getting what is ours and what we deserve. 

            My third observation on evil is how often do we use the distraction factor.  As parents, how often do you distract the kids around Christmas time so you can go hide and or wrap Christmas presence.  I think we not only do this with modern day issues, but with the issue of evil itself.  How often do we avoid talking about what is really going on by talking about the weather.  Most of the issues we face today, whether in education, gun control, or health care, is not so much about how we educate, whether the 2^nd Amendment is applicable for today, or whether we have the right to choose what sex we are, the right to end life at any age or condition or any other number of health care related issues.  How often are our arguments based on how they make us feel or how they will benefit us somehow and not so much on whether they are right or wrong. 

           I would feel remissed if I didn't mention that there is such of a thing as abhorant evil. Whether it's concentration/internment camps, slavery, abortion, murder, racism among other things. These are often generational and affect several generations after. This evil often happen when we turn a deaf ear to God the Creator and we do what we want when we want. To use the famous quote, for evil to succeed, good men (and women) do nothing. Maybe we need a lesson from German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who stood up to the Third Riech when it wasn't popular and he need up dying in a concentration camp for his stance and actions. There is evil that needs to be dealt with no matter the skin color, nationality, or party line.

            To bring it home, evilness is an action, but more importantly, it is a condition of the heart. Do we aim to serve ourselves or do we bow down to and accept Gods grace and authority through faith.  Actions do matter, just because I cold caulked someone for a good reason doesn’t mean there isn’t going to be any repercussions. We can do wonderful things with bad intentions and vice versa.  Getting back to our Isaiah passage, what is our definition of good.  If our definition of good is not Gods definition, we are in trouble.  Isaiah tells us God does not look favorably on those who do good in their own sight because there will be consequences for our actions. Sometimes evilness is us turning everything on its head and living to our life by our own standards.  When we are left to our own accord, bad thoughts will lead to bad speech, which leads to bad actions which leads to bad character.  In essence evilness often prevails when become morally bankrupt and our definition of good changes like the sea.

            Full disclosure, we can not have a discussion about evil without discussing the devil.  Biblically speaking, He is a tempter, an accuser and a liar.  To paraphrase a CS Lewis quote, the devil doesn’t try and convince us that God doesn’t exist, but that God doesn’t matter.  This is where self-reliance and self-gratification comes in and takes the place of God.  We become the god of our own destiny and it is all about how I feel and what I want.  Feelings are important and we should pay attention to them, but making them the end all be all can lead to disastrous results. The devil realizes that he has lost, so he is bringing everyone down with Him that He can. By the way, to say the devil made me do it is just bad theology along with canceling out our free will and Gods power and authority. I think there are three responses to evilness that will be addressed later post.  The fist one is do we run and hide and pretend it doesn’t exist? Do we use humanism, and try and make better laws and work to better ourselves (or evolve) to deal with evil? Or do we submit to Gods authority and have His grace change our heart along with our attitudes/intentions and how we see things so that we can go out and change the world?

Authentic

Authentic: of undisputed origin; genuine.

⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12:9-18

            I was in a meeting this week and a group of us were discussing Biblical Sexuality and how the world does not embrace or adhere to the Biblical standards on sex and maybe even relationships.  One of the things that kept coming to my mind during our conversation is the word authentic, because this just may be the only way we can reach a hurting world and to show them that Gods plan for our relationships is not stuck in the stone age or old fashioned, or even bigoted, but it is the only way we can have a growing relationship with each other and with God.

            My first observation about being authentic is that our relationships both romantically and friendship needs to be more than a feeling.  Yes, we can use the famous Boston song as a reminder, because I know at least with me, my feelings can be a roller coaster and they can vary from day to day.  When we base our life on feelings, it makes life subjective.  We do whatever makes us happy or feel good.  If robbing a bank or punching someone in the face is going to make me feel good, nothing should stop me from doing it and I should be free from the consequences of doing such things.  If we based our relationships solely on feelings, it makes them shallow and it makes us a consumer.  When we become consumers, it’s about what I want and when I want it, and if I do not get it, I cam and will go elsewhere.  I am not saying we should avoid our feelings, but we can not let them run or ruin our lives.

            My second observation on being authentic is that we are in it for the long haul.  One of my favorite books of all time is The Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  One of the concepts that has stuck with me is when Denver ask Ron if he was a part of a catch and release program or if Ron was in it for the long haul.  How many of our relationships are we in is to either get something or to provide something and when the business transaction is done, we move on.  How many times do we do this, especially with people we do not agree with?  We either just stick around till we either share the Gospel, there is some sort of conversion, or some other moment and then we either walk or run away.  I understand that there are some relationships that run their course and they are in our lives in a particular season for a particular reason.  Whether it is college friends, or people we work with, or for some other reason, those people are in our lives for a short time.  I am not talking so much about this.  There are people in our lives that are in our lives for the long haul, and those people are usually easy to identify.  Are we willing to speak honestly with these people and are we willing to listen to them also, especially when they are sharing the hard truths with us.  We can either stick around and embrace the truth, avoid the conversation or just walk away.

            The third observation about authenticity is honesty, not only with others but with ourselves also.  How often do we spew a message that we may or may not believe, but we know that this message will face the least resistance or make us feel that we belong with a particular group.  Its like living in Boston and hating the Yankees, but secretly we have a severe man crush on Aaron Judge and the Steinbrenner family.  I know that this may seem trivial, but I think that our culture is starving for some honesty and real talk.  I do not think we need to be lighting people up with Godly retribution because we can, but being honest with grace will go a long ways, even if we do not know the answer. 

            We can talk all day about being honest with other people all day long, but how often are we completely honest with ourselves.  Here is a news alert, we can not be honest with others until we get honest with ourselves and God.  Anything else is just half truths and immaturity.  So here is my question, are we not honest with ourselves and or God because we are afraid of the answers or because we are lazy and we do not want to grow up?  I am sorry, we can not be Peter Pan and live in his imaginary world because that world is make believe.

            My fourth observation about authenticity, especially when dealing with the hard stuff like Biblical Sexuality, is that it takes vulnerability.  When we are vulnerable, it gets messy fast and that we have nothing to protect us.  I think that when we are vulnerable with, ourselves, others and God, we are admitting that there is such a thing as Truth and that it is not subjective or based on cultural or personal thoughts, whims or feelings.  When we are vulnerable, we are admitting that there is a right and wrong and there is a standard that we can actually live our lives by.  But here is the thing about Truth, it is still true and there is a standard to live by whether we are vulnerable or not or agree even with it or think it is a bunch a garbage.  Because of sin and our disobedience, our ways and Gods ways are not the same, and the sooner we realize this and correct it, the better off we all will be.

            Vulnerability means that when we have conversations with people we do not agree with, we try and live at peace with them.  I know that this is not always possible, but we need to stop seeing the other side as a bunch of idiots, but as people who are created in Gods image, and who are sinners just like us.  This means we listen not to respond, but to understand.  I was in the doctors office recently and it was one of the first doctor appointments in a long time where I felt like I was heard.  This didn’t mean I walked away with answers, but being heard can make all the difference in the world.  When we seek to understand, we can respond appropriately with Gods grace and with His love.  In essence we become the Rick Astley song Never Going to Give You Up and that we are not going to tell lies, let each other down, or give up on each other and desert each other?

So here are some questions to ponder:

   Do we listen to respond or are we listening to understand?

   Do we ever have the desire to Rick Roll people and leave them out to dry?

   Is our relationships and or truth about feelings or is it based on something that is more concrete?

Grief

Grief-A deep sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death

¹⁴ But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. ¹⁴ For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁵ For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶ For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷ Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. ¹⁸ Therefore encourage one another with these words.

I Thessalonians 4:14-18

            One of the biggest stories of the baseball season so far is the unexpected death of the player Tyler Skaggs.  It sent shock waves across the baseball community and it was national news.  One of the things this story did is bring grief back into the national spotlight and how people and teams deal with it, especially when it is unexpected.  One of the cool things that the Anaheim Angles did in their home game after Tyler’s death was turn it into a memorial service not only for the team, and the fans, but it was a way to rally around Tyler’s family in time of grief.  Tyler’s mom threw out the first pitch, the team wore Tyler’s number and the pitching staff combined to throw a no hitter.  The coolest part about the night was when the players went out to the pitching mound after the game and placed their jersey’s on the mound and took a team picture. Tyler’s unexpected death has gotten me thinking about grief a lot lately and here are some things I have been working through.

            The first thing I have come to realize is that grief is messy.  I wish grief could be settled by a good cry, a strong hug and a couple pictures of cute puppies.  Unfortunately, grief does not work this way.  As I have listened to stories of parents who have lost children, grief is messy and it gets ugly.  There are good days, and then there are days where they just want to shut down and cry because their grief causes so much pain and hurt.  I think what makes grief so messy, is that we are confronted with a wide range of emotions, such as anger, bitterness, sadness, and depression. The messiness comes in because we can not keep those emotions in check and they tend to spill out into our every day life those emotions messes with said life.

            Another thing I have learned, grieving online can be really messy and down right hateful, especially when someone famous dies.  Doing things online and through social media can be helpful, but it can also add fuel to a very destructive fire.  Earlier this year when the progressive Christian blogger and writer Rachel Held Evans died from a sickness, the internet trolls came out to play.  There were the people who loved her and her theology, and others who despised her theology and it seemed like those two camps were sparring with each other and it got ugly and plenty of names were called.  We tend to only see people for either their issue or for what they stand for or against and not as people, this is a very dangerous place to live.  This leads us to treating each other as avatars and the things we do and or say we think that we shouldn’t have to have consequences for. When we do this, we tend to forget to look in the mirror and account for our won actions, thoughts, struggles and actions.  If we believe in the Bible and that it is true, we all are created in Gods image and God called His creation good.

            My second observation is that we should never ever grieve alone.  I know there are many ways to grieve, but doing it alone should not be one of them.  This does not mean that we should be in the town square in sack cloth and ashes, but grieving with others is essential.  When the Angles found out the death of their teammate, they gathered together, shared stories, vented, and shed a lot of tears.  Whether you do this with others who have the same shared grief or you find a person or a group of people to journey with through this time is essential.  There are times when can share their feelings and thoughts along with being able to sit in silence with someone.  I know there are times where I really didn’t want to talk, and yet I wasn’t comfortable being alone either.  It is being comfortable with where we are at and in our own skin, to where we can and even do this with others. To use a Simon and Garfunkel song title, the Sound of Silence can be a good thing and very healing.  I think what being #familystrong is all about.  We all want to be family when life is good, but when life gets difficult, family sticks around and isn’t afraid to listen, cry, and share truth with us, not matter how difficult it is. 

            My third observation with grief is that we will never be the same.  The loss of a spouse, child, marriage or whatever dream we have held on to will leave a big wound.  One of my favorite sayings is that scars tell cool stories, but in order for those scars to tell stories, we have to let those wounds heal.  Apart of the healing process is realizing that there is going to be a new normal.  Chances are, we are going to look at life from a different perspective and approach relationships differently.  I will be honest, finding a new normal sucks, because it takes work, understanding and a whole lot of grace.  Whether it is a change in life style because of some sort of medical issue, not going to baby showers because it reminds you of the children you can not have, or any other sort of issue.  As much as we wish things would go back to the way they were, I am not sure if that is healthy and here is why.  It is saying that whatever event we went through either did not happen, or that we are avoiding the consequences of said event.  When we avoid or minimize/maximize grief it will get us into trouble real fast.  The new normal might mean that our relationships will change and that we will lose some friends and even gain new ones.  Just don’t be afraid to change.

My fourth observation with grief is something that C.S. Lewis mentioned in his book A Grief Observed.  He draws the correlation between fear and grief.  This got me thinking that how often fear may join grief and how often fear causes panic, questions and even in ability to do things.  When we are grieving, fear often takes us down the road of questioning our relationships, how we do things, the existence of God and His goodness. If we still believe that there is a God, He becomes a thug that does cruel things for His own enjoyment. Fear can also cause us to pull back, lack trust, and become a little darker with our humor and outlook on life.  This form of fear will cause us to become self reliant, jaded and bitter.

            Let me close with this, grief and grieving are apart of life and I think we need to do it well.  I think how we can tell if others and even ourselves will get through this episode or season of grief is where we find our hope.  As the Apostle Paul laid out in the passage I started with, if you are a follower of Jesus, we should not grieve like the world grieves.  This means that we actually have hope for a future and because of Christ work on the cross and His resurrection, things will be made right for eternity with His return. To my knowledge, hope is the only thing that can go toe to toe with grief.  There are days when grief will try and be a destructive force, but our hope in Jesus is the only thing that can get us through the season of grief  For those of you are not followers of Christ, you can have this same hope of eternity with the Creator.  This does not mean that every day will be sunshine and puppies, actually quite the opposite, but God will be there guiding us and leading us through it all.

Integrity

Integrity: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles, moral uprightness

The wise of heart will receive commandments,

but a babbling fool will come to ruin.

^{9  r}Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,

but he who makes his ways crooked ^swill be found out.

¹⁰  Whoever ^twinks the eye causes trouble,

and a babbling fool will come to ruin.

Proverbs 10:8-10 ESV

       How many of us have witnessed a press conference or watched a YouTube clips of some famous person issuing some sort of apology for something they said or did.  These clips usually end with some sort of phrase of “this isn’t really who I am as a person” or “how they will try and do better in the future”.  It seems like most of the apologies are scripted, insincere, and more about damage/image control than being actually sorry for said stupid actions or speech.  Sports columnist Rick Riley penned a satire column a number of years back giving athletes a guide on how to apologize for their said transgression and how they were going to be better people.  I know we are all people and we all do and say stupid things, and we need to own up to them without giving some sort of canned and insincere apology.  We have to do better than doing or saying something and then just asking for forgiveness later, because when we do this, are we really sorry?  I think this issue might have something to do with our integrity and how we live our life. 

      One of the more popular definitions of integrity is what are we doing when no one is looking.  There is truth in this definition and I think it tries to make our personal and public life a little more streamed lined and that we do not come off as a hypocrite.  I think one who strives to live a life of integrity cares for not only what they do when no one is watching or listening, but takes these things into consideration and lives them out also.

    The first one is the idea that our intentions matter.  The classic question is that if our intentions are good, but we still do the wrong thing, are we still good.  In essence, if we steal from drug dealers to give money to those who are needy and that have been affected by addiction, we don’t have to do any jail time because our intentions were pure and we actually helped people.  Doing something wrong, no matter how good our intentions are, is still wrong unfortunately.  This is something that I have struggled with because in one aspect, it takes out vigilanty justice of  us giving people what we think they deserve.  Knowing myself, I know I can be really biased towards people both for the good and bad, and it is often because I wear rose colored glasses and I know I am not the only one who struggles with this.  We tend to take sides based on who we like and our own biases.  We can not always judge intentions because we do not know what the other person is thinking and how often people put out smoke screens to hide what they are really thinking or what their real intentions are.  Throughout all of Scripture, it reminds us that as people we may look at outward actions, but God looks at the heart.  We can not use a smoke screen with God, and knows what our true motives and actions are and we reveal them. 

     The second part about integrity is that how often do we do the right thing, but for the wrong reason.  Even doing the right thing for the wrong reason is still wrong, because it often us meant for some sort of personal gain.  How often do we do something for the pat on the back, or to get some favor, or just to make ourselves look better.  This is more about the show and lest about the go and it makes us a used sales car person.  The only reason integrity and character is in our vocabulary is because when we use those words, it makes us appear better than what we really are? .When we have to start justifying our actions to God, ourselves, and even others, we might have a problem.  When we start justifying, we tend to care more about our own wants, feelings and whims.  Some guy named Jesus calls this being a white washed tomb.  We can look all pretty on the outside but we are dead and rotting on the inside and we stink spiritually and morally. Eventually it will catch up with us.   

      The third idea is that when start to do what we want and justifying it, it means that absolute Truth and morality are being thrown out the window.  When we are left to our own whims, morality and absolute truth becomes subjective, integrity doesn’t really matter.  This means that life is a free for all and we can do whatever we want to when we want to.  Call me old fashioned, but integrity that is not based on something that is not true and always changing  isn’t integrity, but arrogance.  It is arrogance thinking that we know how to live our lives and how dare other people tell us how we should live our lives.  To wrap it up, some guy by the name of Jesus told us that He was the way, the truth and the life, and that not one gets to the Father but through Him.  In essence, our integrity is rooted in the Truth of Jesus and who He says He is, and because Jesus is the dedfinition and embodiment of objective Truth and He never changes.

          Questions:

          Is our integrity based on whims or a set standard?

          When we do something wrong, are we sorry for the action or for getting caught?

          Even though its wrong, what makes the subjective lifestyle so appealing?